“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.”Stace Morris
‘Self esteem’ is a very popular term in the 21st century – but what does it really mean? It’s one of those psychology terms that everyone knows but not everyone understands. That’s why we’ll start off with a basic definition:
Having self esteem is knowing that you have intrinsic value.
Which means that no matter what you’ve done or not done, you appreciate your value as a human being.
Easy to say, perhaps, but difficult for many of us to implement. And if you’ve self esteem, it’s not to be taken for granted.
In Western culture, we have normalized what Pia Mellody calls “other esteem.” In her book “Facing Codependence”, she explains that other-esteem is basing your self worth on what other people think.
That sounds familiar, doesn’t it? We need to know that others think that we’re okay, first. And, we’re so used to asking other people for their opinion of us that we forget to ask ourselves.
But think about the cost involved in that.
If your sense of value is contingent on what others think, that’s going to motivate your behavior in a negative way. While you might work hard to suit the people around you, that might be at the expense of your own well-being (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc). Or, you might act in ways that are against your own values because others say it’s important.
Those kind of behaviors erode your self image.
Which is why we need to build self esteem, NOT other esteem.
You deserve to value yourself first. When you know how amazing you are, you won’t have to prove it to other people.
With self esteem, you can believe in yourself, recognize your limits, and challenge yourself to grow as a person. You can admit to your faults and love yourself anyway. And, when you know that you’ve got intrinsic value, you won’t need to be perfect. Being you will be enough!
It’s not worth waiting for someone else’s approval to feel good about yourself.
Start to value yourself from within, and feel self-love and respect develop for you, unique person that YOU are. You are no one else but yourself, and wonderful for being that. And, your worth as a human being does not increase or decrease because of external factors like success, failure, career, personality, or beauty.
What a relief!
Self esteem fosters wonderful feelings and behaviors, such as self-care, self confidence, and self respect. And a sense of satisfaction, a serene happiness within your self.
Because you know that every human being has intrinsic value.
And you are valuable, worthwhile, and wonderful – just because you are you.
One of my mentors for self esteem is Pia Mellody. If you’d like to learn how to build self esteem, I recommend that you watch Pia Mellody speak here.
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